I'm 50 years old but I still feel like a young woman! I'm on this earth for HALF a CENTURY now, (as I often remind my son), but I feel as though I'm in my.... say, thirties? Cognitive dissonance extraordinaire.
When I see photos of myself, I recoil in horror. Who IS that person?! (The above photo was 'fixed' a little, by virtue of Photobucket cosmetology :)
I joined eHarmony to look for a fella. Someone to have companionship with, as I face impending "Empty Nest Syndrome." (I never wanted anyone else in my life while my son was growing up, after his father's death, and a short horrible second marriage, which I'd like Spock to mindmeld out of my memory. I didn't want to risk making a mistake and ruining my son's childhood - more.)
So, yes, I tentatively dipped my toes into the waters of eHarmony. Just to have a look around, see what's what. Maybe find a match?
Maybe I really should have gone with my 'inner age' of 30-something, because all the fellas my age were OLD!!
I finally canceled the eHarmony gig. I wasn't going to make good use of it. Something psychological was holding me back. At first I thought it was ego. But I realized I can't tell what I think about someone by looking at a picture. I have to see them in real life, see the personality, hear the voice. What do they laugh at? How do they treat people? That's the only way I'll be able to find a fella.
Well of course I know that eventually I'd see the personality of a fella on eHarmony if I met up with him. Problem is, I wasn't willing to meet up with anyone. It all seemed too facade-ish. Too much work trying to impress someone on the Internet. Oh, the stress. I couldn't be bothered. I must really be an old fuddy-duddy, afterall.
